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Leonard Smalls

Top 5 Bad records

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I've got a number of records which are so unlistenably bad that they're good. I don't mean bad records that actually are bad, like yer "Shaddapa ya face" or that "Grandad" nonsense, but bizarre weirdness that has great entertainment value..

Here's my top 5:

Residents - Satisfaction (7" on orange vinyl).. Tears the original to shreds..

D.A.F - Gewalt ('b' side of Kebabtraume 7").. Terrible racket that makes John Zorns artcore sound like Kylie..

Door and the Window 7" e.p - they couldn't afford a drum machine, so they used a washing machine instead..

Shockabilly - Earth vs. (LP) - brilliant irreverent rockabilly covers of "Oh Yoko", "Foxy Lady" etc

You've got Foetus On Your Breath - 333 (b side of wash it off)... even worse racket than 333!

Any more recommendations for the appalling but entertaining records collection?

Just one more from me:

Anything by Klaus Wunderlich - bizarre synth music for old ladies...

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how about ole william shatners tambourine man ,and lucy in the sky with diamonds. they don't come any worse than that. he should have been inprisoned for them.

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Are we not men?

Surely that can't come under "bad" records? Though I spose it does grate a bit, so perhaps..

I must mention "Yes my darling daughter" by Edie Gorme... Absolute stonker of a single from 1950something, but sung by someone who was deeply uncool. I used to play it as last record at a goth disco I did in the early '80s..

Talking of which here's another:

"Dave-id is dead" - Virgin Prunes

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ANYTHING that pub singer bob dylan has done. how the fcuk he got where he is. is a complete mystery.

been out on the bike lately leonard?

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I can't agree that Bob Dylan is so bad he's good.

The bugger:

a) can't sing

b) takes himself seriously.

And haven't been out on the bike for a couple of weeks because I've taken the engine/gearbox out in order to change the clutch and gearbox oil seals, and to replace the wiring loom which is suffereing from 32 years of corrosion..

The engine's done and back in (top tip - always copper slip engine bolts!!!!), just waiting for wiring stuff. Then I won't be able to do much riding, what with living 4 miles from the nearest main road, and all the single track lanes here are about 4" deep in mud, which is a nightmare on 220Kgs of Guzzi!

Must get a DR350...

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won't be out on mine now untill next april. it's a no go due to the harsh winters we have here. and a dr350 sounds good fun leonard.

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Guest earl of sodbury

Trying to stick with the "so bad they're good theme", here's the tip of a rotten, carious iceberg -

Butthole Surfers : "Barbecue Pope" or "The Revenge of Anus Presley" - bad acid trips for your listening pressure...

The Cramps : "Bikini Girls With Machine Guns" or "Human Fly" - psychobilly progenitors - pick a song, any song...

Violent Femmes : "Southern Death Song" or "Dance Motherfuckers, Dance" - songs to drown your children to, or ruin a wedding by...

Infinte Livez : "Pononee Girl" or "Adventures of the Lactating Man" - rap/D&B inspired by lustful thoughts about My Little Pony and male lactation fetish respectively.

Wayne County & The Electric Chairs : "Man Enough To Be A Woman" or "Toilet Love" - transvestite country/punk

Alien Sex Fiend : "Smells Like Shit" - gothabilly turdfest and Tonedef's theme tune.

Barnes & Barnes : "Fish Heads" or "Kiss Me Where It Stinks" - welcome to New Jersey... Novelty songs' lowest (and finest) ebb...

Somebody stop me...

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Human Fly?

One of my all time favourite songs!

And as for the Buttholes - cool as fuck. Saw them at the Mean Fiddler many years ago - Gabby sure has a high pain threshold.. They also did the best cover of "Hurdy Gurdy Man".

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Guest earl of sodbury

Leonard Smalls wrote:

Human Fly?

One of my all time favourite songs!

And as for the Buttholes - cool as fuck. Saw them at the Mean Fiddler many years ago - Gabby sure has a high pain threshold.. They also did the best cover of "Hurdy Gurdy Man".

then we are of a mind :^

more of this sort of a thing!

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earl of sodbury wrote:

Trying to stick with the "so bad they're good theme", here's the tip of a rotten, carious iceberg -

Butthole Surfers : "Barbecue Pope" or "The Revenge of Anus Presley" - bad acid trips for your listening pressure...

The Cramps : "Bikini Girls With Machine Guns" or "Human Fly" - psychobilly progenitors - pick a song, any song...

Violent Femmes : "Southern Death Song" or "Dance Motherfuckers, Dance" - songs to drown your children to, or ruin a wedding by...

Infinte Livez : "Pononee Girl" or "Adventures of the Lactating Man" - rap/D&B inspired by lustful thoughts about My Little Pony and male lactation fetish respectively.

Wayne County & The Electric Chairs : "Man Enough To Be A Woman" or "Toilet Love" - transvestite country/punk

Alien Sex Fiend : "Smells Like Shit" - gothabilly turdfest and Tonedef's theme tune.

Barnes & Barnes : "Fish Heads" or "Kiss Me Where It Stinks" - welcome to New Jersey... Novelty songs' lowest (and finest) ebb...

Somebody stop me...

Happen to have Smells like shit on brown vinyl :td::)

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Testure wrote:

Happen to have Smells like shit on brown vinyl :td::)

I confidently predict you will soon be burgled by Tonedef :td:

And after that he may break into your house and steal your record, too... ;)

Oooooooooh! Solid would be SOOOOO jealous :green:

churz, eofs

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I used to have an Alien Sex Fiend t-shirt...

Saw them with the Southern Death Cult at Leeds Warehouse. I had very silly hair then.

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Guest earl of sodbury

Mary Schneider : "Yodelling Mozart: Eine Kleine Nachtmusik" - aged Swiss Hausfrau yodels Mozart to death... runs to 2 volumes... :nerves:

MC Hawking : "All My Shootings Be Drive-Bys" - filthy bad taste: 2nd rate"wigga" with voice synthesiser reimagines astrophysicist Prof. Steven Hawking as gangsta rapper...

Was (Not Was) : "Hi Dad, I'm In Jail..." - short but bitter, my kind of song! :love:

Wevie Stonder : almost anything, but notable faves: "The Last Thing You Want (Is The First Thing You Get)", "Gypsy Chimp" and "Lady's Leg Licked", more silly than bad, mind...

Need New Body : "Tittiepop", and "Show Me Your Heart" - I mean rip the organ out of your chest and SHOW me...

Amebix : "Largactyl" - truly awesome speed rock monument... it's only paranoia...

Jack Off Jill: "When I Am Queen" - never bettered in the Riot Grrrl stakes, IMHO...

Brick Layer Cake :"Once Upon A Skin" - more songs about fcuking and girls

Shiteman : "Boooooty!" - 12 year-old booty in this case :shocked:

Bloodhound Gang : "Fire Water Burn" - another "anything from the back-catalogue" band

I ruv this fred

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