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Does anyone think that camilla is what Diana would have looked like, if she had survived the crash (F.Boyle) 

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Admin

highway.jpg

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Super Wammer

As an Arsenal fan, the only positive to come out of the transfer window, is that I do not have to buy FIFA 18 :D

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Chris Rea I'm going to Texas.

They have long roads out there.

The boating lake state.

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"I'm going to see a specialist doctor in the East End about my skin complaint."

"Hackney?"

"No, it's a form of thrush."

"Shoreditch?"

"It really does."

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I've been diagnosed with a certain type of amnesia where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no cure...

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Super Wammer

"Doctor, I am really confused about my identity: sometimes I think I'm a wigwam and sometimes I think I'm a teepee"

"I'm going to prescribe you some antidepressants"

"Antidepressants? Why?"

"You're two tents"

<Drum roll and cymbals please. Thank you>

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Super Wammer

"Doctor, I'm feeling generally lousy but can't pinpoint anything in particular"

"Please go behind the screen, take your clothes off and lie down, and I'll give you a comprehensive check-up"

<check-up ensues>

"Please sit down. I'm afraid I have a couple of bits of bad news for you. The first is that you have a fatal illness and less than six months to live".

"Crikey, that's a blow. Did you say there were two bits of bad news?"

"Yes, I'm sorry to say that you are also showing signs of advanced dementia".

Phew, that's a relief! For a minute, I thought you were going to tell me I had less than six months to live!"

_____________________

<Drum roll, thunderous applause, and a minute of respectful silence please>

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Hey dad, why is my sister called Teresa?

Well, it's because your mum loves Easter and Teresa is an anagram of Easter!

Thanks dad!

No problem Alan

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Super Wammer

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Moderator
7 minutes ago, bigfool1956 said:

I saw this headline previously but at the time didn't want to read it because of the toilet humour. I'm glad I did now for this quote "He said he and his date had decided to split the extra cash between two charities, one supporting firefighters and another that builds and maintains flushing toilets in developing countries.:D

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He said she was a nice girl!

It reminded me of Ben Stiller in Something about Mary.

Sent from my MotoE2(4G-LTE) using Tapatalk

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A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognised it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and, sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.

Soon however, the whales realised the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realised the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen."

 

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Super Wammer

"Good morning Susan"

"Good morning Doctor"

"What can I do for you today?"

"Nothing specific, but I'm feeling really lousy"

"Ok, go behind the curtain, take your clothes off and I'll give you a general examination"

- examination ensues, susan dresses -

"Please sit down Susan. I'm sorry to have to tell you that you have syphilis"

"What? But that's impossible? I, er, must have caught it from a toilet seat..."

"Well you must have been chewing it then, because you've got it in your gums!"

- drum roll, cymbal crash, enthusiastic applause, ritual passing of the hand wash and lysterine -

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