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Super Wammer
7 hours ago, Tony_J said:

Working round the cock more like... 

I think that's what it must be like trying to give a Brazilian to a Thai ladyboy.

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Super Wammer
Just now, TheFlash said:

I think that's what it must be like trying to give a Brazilian to a Thai ladyboy.

I bow to your superior experience...:rofl:

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I had forgotten about this one.

Edited by Colinjg
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Super Wammer
1 hour ago, Tony_J said:

I bow to your superior experience...:rofl:

Don't knock it till you've tried it! 🤔

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Super Wammer
1 hour ago, Colinjg said:

I had forgotten about this one.

I don't remember ever having seen this one, though loved Not the Nine O'Clock News... classic punchline I didn't see coming!

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Super Wammer
12 hours ago, TheFlash said:

I don't remember ever having seen this one, though loved Not the Nine O'Clock News... classic punchline I didn't see coming!

Oh yes I remember it well!

This actually happened to me in real life as a Governor of the local infants school, talking to one class and one lad kept putting his hand up and relating everything to a parrot owned (in his case) by his grandmother.

How I kept a straight face I still do not know, but when they went out for break both the teacher and I were crying with laughter.

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Super Wammer
Oh yes I remember it well!
This actually happened to me in real life as a Governor of the local infants school, talking to one class and one lad kept putting his hand up and relating everything to a parrot owned (in his case) by his grandmother.
How I kept a straight face I still do not know, but when they went out for break both the teacher and I were crying with laughter.

I wonder what that boy is doing now!

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Super Wammer

hoping to be a vet? who knows . . . . 

.

.

(actually he'd be in high school now)

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On 2/20/2018 at 16:12, TheFlash said:

I think that's what it must be like trying to give a Brazilian to a Thai ladyboy.

....

On 2/20/2018 at 18:10, TheFlash said:

Don't knock it till you've tried it! 🤔

....

11 hours ago, TheFlash said:

I wonder what that boy is doing now!

He's not a Thai ladyboy needing a Brazilian, so move along! :P

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The Mrs has left me because I'm too insecure.

No, wait... she's back.

She was just making a cup of tea....

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I took a dip in the pool earlier.

Stupid really...

As I got a load of water in my hummus...

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Man walks into a sweetshop and ponders at the confectionery at the counter.

He says, "I'll have a Twirl and a Boost, please."

The shopkeeper gayly spins round, points and says, "Honey, you look fabulous today!"

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One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.

The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway. It just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him and they all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.

At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping and never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember these simple rules to be happy:

Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

Live simply and appreciate what you have.

Give more and expect less.

NOW ......Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later came back and bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

MORAL FROM TODAY'S LESSON: - When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you....

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Super Wammer

I can't find the Geordie-accent font so please do the appropriate font conversion in your head:

A man stands outside a bakery in the middle of Newcastle, looking quizzically at an item in the window display. After a minute or two he steps inside:

Man (pointing): Is that a cake or a meringue?

Baker: no, you're right, it's a cake.

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Super Mod

A Priest is driving down a country road when he comes across a pig lying dead in the road.

He contacts the police to inform them of his find.

The cocky desk sergeant laughed and said "Did you give it the last rites?"

"No" said the priest, "I thought I’d inform his next of kin first".

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